gratitude Archives

Doing the tough stuff of change in our lives reminds me of work in my garden at the end of the season. I can celebrate the beautiful blooming that has happened over the course of the year. I can marvel at the growth in the blooms and all of the ways that nature has chosen to expand the beautiful

I also need to notice the parts that are not thriving. That despite my love and money and effort, some things were not able to grow in my space. In some spaces I had been trying to grow something for years but nothing seems to take. Others were neglected or the victim of happenstance–a patch of mildew or a bad storm.

In the garden, at the end of the season, we need to take stock of the places that we need to remove the plants that have failed to thrive. It can be hard work extracting that stuff. I can feel sad because we planted those living things with hope. Some take a few tugs and are gone without a thought. Others have rootballs that can take hours to extract. The tree stumps need professional help.

Once the hard work of getting rid of the stuff that didn’t take is done, there are empty spaces. We can be viewed as space is a possibility. Spaces of unknown they give opportunity for growth. For the healthy plants to spread out and stretch become even more glorious. Or a time to plant new seedlings and try again.

I can feel really impatient, noting that those spaces are not filled with joy yet. I have found myself focusing on the empty spaces instead of seeing the beauty of the plants around them. When we focus on the empty, and sometimes we can’t help ourselves, it can feel lonely. Maybe the spaces leave the garden feeling vulnerable to outsiders. Exposed. Unsure. What might others think about the failure?

Then there’s all the time and effort invested in those spaces. No matter how much was invested that failed, we need to move forward and think about how we can grow the garden. I can choose more wisely what to plant now based on what I’ve learned.

When I find myself stuck in looking at the empty spaces, I need to breathe air into growing the new. Into celebrating and focusing on the beauty of what is there. The gratitude for what works. And promise patience and grace for the spaces I haven’t figured it out yet. Waiting. Hoping. Trying again with new wisdom.
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With the Thanksgiving holiday approaching, the idea of developing a gratitude practice is worth considering. The concept is to keep a log of 5 or so moments of gratitude from your day. This focus on the positive and affirming the good can help to rewire our brains to look for the joy in our lives and to expand it.

The first time I tried a gratitude practice, I failed gloriously. I told my coach, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every night I write down that I appreciate my kids, my husband, my job, our home. I just don’t get it. It’s not working for me.”

My coach replied, “First of all, I call bullshit that those are the things you really were grateful for today. What if you were actually grateful when the door shut and you had a moment’s solitude? Would you put that down if it were true?”

Oh. Right.

We need to be honest about our gratitude. What really did give us joy that day, without shame or doubt about it.

Gratitude also works best when they are very small grained. When we can pull our senses into the practice. The foam on our cup of cappuccino. The warmth of an embrace. The glorious red and yellow of the leaves of the trees. The warmth in our heart when a stranger said thank you.

You know you’ve hit the gratitude jackpot when your list still has resonance as you write them down the second time. You can feel the sip of coffee, feel the emotion in your body from the thank you. It’s like getting a second emotional hit of joy and appreciation from those moments all over again. And then those feelings can expand and grow as you practice noticing them.

That’s the joy of gratitude. Mindful appreciation of the abundance of life.

Looking for greater abundance in your life? Contact me for a free coaching session to see what it feels like to make time for the growth you have been desiring dana@danamitra.net