life coaching – Page 2 – Dana Mitra, Ph.D., ACC

Make space for your future

October 28, 2018 Dr. Dana MitraLeave a comment

Sometimes when we are the cusp of a big life transformation, the universe gets very noisy if I stop listening. Last night at two in the morning, a loud voice was screaming in my head that I had to clear out all that heavy emotions that are holding me down. And the next step of that process was to purge out my closet.

I realized that I store memories in my clothing. Clothing that looks exquisite and rocks my body needs to get OUT of my closet if reminds me of a person or a moment that hurts my feelings. I spend three hours removing half of my clothes from my wardrobe.

I also was holding on to clothing that was past its prime because it contained positive feelings. Some of the items were worn out, tattered. Others just did not flatter my body. I’ve been wearing my teenage daughters’ clothes because she’s in Argentina for the year and I miss her. But they do not look good on me. I can find other ways to keep her close, like a bracelet of hers, than a shirt from Forever 21.

Compliments also can weigh me down. There are lots clothes out there that somebody thinks I look good in but don’t serve me. This statement also holds true for jobs, friendships, ways of speaking to others, and just about everything that matters.

So, questions to remember the next time I clean out a closet (or need to let go of anything in my life big or small)

Am I holding onto things that hurt my feelings and pull me down? Does this have a negative memory attached to it that I don’t want have to ever think about again?
Am I clutching to past memories of joy—even when they no longer me going forward?
Am I holding onto this because others think I “should”

Happy winterizing of your closets. And for those of you feeling that twinge of a feeling that change is coming, clear the space you need physically, mentally, and emotionally to prepare for what is coming. Even if we don’t know what it is yet.

coaching

Dress for the Part: Aligning my image with my ideals

October 3, 2018February 26, 2023 Dr. Dana MitraLeave a comment

I’m stepping way out of my comfort zone. I’m taking a class on “style.” I get squirmy and squishy when I think about shopping and fashion. As much as I love wearing something confident, the hate the idea of shopping. I hate being in stores. My eyes glaze over. My head aches.

My inner critic always comes shopping with me. My friend has named her “Nerdy Middle Schooler.” That critic is so noisy she’s even embarrassed that I am writing this blog. How could I share my insecurities with others?

When I go shopping, my critic tells me it looks wrong. Frumpy. Who am I to spend money on my clothes? How vain? You’ll just spill something and ruin it anyway. I’m so clumsy. And someone might notice. Might not like it. It might be too bold.

I’ve always covered that fear with, “I want to be noticed for who I am, not what I am wearing. ”

When I listen to my inner critic, I tend to imitate what others wear, whether people we often. Rather than figuring out the puzzle, I mimic.

I am learning that I can choose to have what I wear reflect who I am on the inside. And then perhaps people are more able to know the good stuff on the inside.

When I’m feeling brave. When I’m standing in my power, I can dress boldly. We are a hoop nose ring instead of a teeny tiny stud. Wear big crazy earrings that might not work but might be fabulous. Bold colors, curvy shapes.

I’m attaching a TED Talk explaining this concept of Inside/Out Congruity.

coaching

Leaping is always about stepping forward

September 22, 2018September 22, 2018 Dr. Dana MitraLeave a comment

Autumn is the season of kids growing up. Going to college. Pre-school. Moving away.

It’s all about playing big. Growing the boundaries of who we think we are into possibility.

I am watching both of my teenagers take giant leaps into the unknown to see just how big and grand they can become. My 16-year-old daughter has left for the year to study abroad in Argentina. My 14-year-old son has left his local soccer to follow the dream of being a member of the US Soccer Developmental Academy.

They are both brave. They can speak very well of possibility. Neither is sure how it’s going to turn out. Neither made the safe choice. That’s the paradox of it. To live a life that feels filled with meaning and satisfaction requires not knowing. A leap of faith

They are in the first part of the leap, soaring upward. They left their safe, grounded places. They have a vision of where they want to land. They are stretching every limb to get to the other side. Feeling a bit off kilter. Unsure how the rules work in this new space. Doubting themselves and feeling the thrill of the challenge all at the same time.

The first steps in the trajectory are up, up, up. It’s exhilarating and new and thrilling. Queasy. Emboldened. I can feel helpless sometimes, watching. Hoping that sending energy and love and protection like telepathy will keep them strong on the inside.

I know the trajectory will come back down and they will land in a new place. The new place is rarely what we expected. They might stick the landing where they sought and be surprised it’s not what they expected at all. Or they might fall down. A place unexpected. Unwanted even.

Lows. Tears.

My daughter is finding struggle where she least expected it. Not in feeling homesick but instead in being held back by the constraints of Argentinian social norms and bureaucratic rules from showing up in all the ways that she wants to fully experience her adventure. But in the confusion of change, my daughter has found friends who appreciate and support her. She has learned how to speak her truth even when it makes people uncomfortable. Of meeting new friends, speaking one’s truth when it’s not going well.

My son has spent more time sitting and watching than playing some days. But from that shift he experienced the exhilaration of coming off the bench to provide the assist and then a goal in a tied game.

These kiddos will never ever be back at where they started at the beginning of August. They are falling down in big and small ways. They pick themselves up dust off, and begin from there. Then they find thrills they never expected. Big highs and lows first place. And they will pick themselves up. Forever changed by the bravery of taking the chance.

boundaries/decision making/gratitude/values

Beware of Red Tin Stars

January 29, 2018February 26, 2023 Dr. Dana MitraLeave a comment

We romanticize our past. Often what we remember is a story we tell ourselves, bloated with nostalgia-what we wish had happened. These memories can hold us back from embracing today. We find ourselves longing for a moment that never actually happened. It keeps us stuck in previous ways of being instead of taking the brave steps toward an unknown future that is bigger than we could ever know.

My friend BJ shared with me the story of her red tin star-a Christmas tree ornament she longed to retrieve from her ex-husband. She remembered it as antique, with beautiful dappled light peeking out. It carried great sentimental value, and she longed to have it in her new home. When BJ received the star, it was nothing like she had remembered. It was cheap plastic. A shell of the memory she held in her head.

Since that moment, BJ uses the phrase Red Tin Stars when she finds herself thinking longingly of what once was. It helps her to realize that each memory has many versions–stories of nostalgia, stories of happiness, and stories of regret.

Rather than looking back to memories that might fail us, we can stay present in what we can build today. The Red Tin Star reminds us that what we remember as sweet and perfect has all the flaws of any moment. Better to find gratitude in this day and build toward a future that shines bright just as we hope it can.

Ready to make the most of today? Contact me for a free coaching session to see what it feels like to make time for the growth you have been desiring. dana@danamitralnet

coaching

Slowing Down.

January 29, 2018March 26, 2018 Dr. Dana MitraLeave a comment

Every year I spend a week in the woods. I live in a tent and I cook for my children’s summer camp. I unplug from my technology and steep myself in a much camp magic as possible.

I especially the singing at the fire circles. This song spoke right to me this year, sung over and over in a round:

Humble yourself in the arm of the wild
You’ve got to lay down low and… [repeat]

And we will lift each other up.
Higher and higher.
We will lift each other up.

Camp offers me the gift of slowing down. Noticing a bug walking across the roof of my tent. Sampling the blackberries along the trail. Staring into a fire.

The slower I get, the more I know. The more wisdom seeps up into me. The more grounded I am. The greater I am in touch with my truth. My intuition. The part of knowing that comes from deep within my belly and tells my monkey mind to hush up and surrender. To “be still and know.”

I’m back I’m the frenetic life of the day to day. But I keep trying to hum that melody and remember to notice. To wonder. To be thankful. And to get still and to listen deep within myself.

Ready for transformation? Contact dana@coachingbydana.com

girl lighting candles in notre dame in paris.

find yourself/gratitude/values

Granule-sized Gratitudes

November 13, 2017February 26, 2023 Dr. Dana MitraLeave a comment

With the Thanksgiving holiday approaching, the idea of developing a gratitude practice is worth considering. The concept is to keep a log of 5 or so moments of gratitude from your day. This focus on the positive and affirming the good can help to rewire our brains to look for the joy in our lives and to expand it.

The first time I tried a gratitude practice, I failed gloriously. I told my coach, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every night I write down that I appreciate my kids, my husband, my job, our home. I just don’t get it. It’s not working for me.”

My coach replied, “First of all, I call bullshit that those are the things you really were grateful for today. What if you were actually grateful when the door shut and you had a moment’s solitude? Would you put that down if it were true?”

Oh. Right.

We need to be honest about our gratitude. What really did give us joy that day, without shame or doubt about it.

Gratitude also works best when they are very small grained. When we can pull our senses into the practice. The foam on our cup of cappuccino. The warmth of an embrace. The glorious red and yellow of the leaves of the trees. The warmth in our heart when a stranger said thank you.

You know you’ve hit the gratitude jackpot when your list still has resonance as you write them down the second time. You can feel the sip of coffee, feel the emotion in your body from the thank you. It’s like getting a second emotional hit of joy and appreciation from those moments all over again. And then those feelings can expand and grow as you practice noticing them.

That’s the joy of gratitude. Mindful appreciation of the abundance of life.

Looking for greater abundance in your life? Contact me for a free coaching session to see what it feels like to make time for the growth you have been desiring dana@danamitra.net

Tag: life coaching

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